I found myself listening to the RiffTrax Live version of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny recently, which was last year’s show. The plot (if there actually is one) is about Santa getting stuck in the sand in Florida, the terrible child actors who try to help him, the dying amusement park from which this “film” was shot, and the borderline incoherent story he tells the kids to serve as the moral basis for “not giving up.”
He tells them “Jack and the Beanstalk,” folks.
The whole thing is a mess from start to finish, which is a recurring theme in RiffTrax/Mystery Science Theater 3000 (it’s what earns them their bread and butter, as well as their adoring fans). We spend perfectly good money to see these things too. I used to refer to being a MSTie as the cheapest of all my interests, but that changed about two years ago. I haven’t looked back.
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny was my seventh (lucky me!) live show, and kicked my holiday season off right last year. The same happened this year with the double feature show of two encore presentations from two previous Christmas shows (Santa Conquers the Martians and Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!).
So much went on in 2015’s assault on the eyes, that after even just listening to it, I really felt the need to find ten things about it that absolutely made me laugh.
And so, for your torture (because sharing is caring), here are ten funnies from the story of the unlikely duo who only become that in the final minutes. Because even the title is incoherent!
1. “Sonny,” “Cher,” and Male Cameltoe.
You can’t unsee it!
2. “Santa’s peeing!”
3. Jack in “Jack in the Beanstalk” looks like Discount Greg Brady.
And his sister looks only mildly interested to be there.
4. The Narrator
(Such as she is) sounds bored, indifferent, and possibly dosed on tranquilizers. I sounded more coherent after my sinus surgery, and I had TWO painkillers in two hours. She reminds me of the narrator in that weird Rainbow Brite special at the San Diego Zoo.
5. The Ice Cream Bunny Arrives
You’d think his appearance would be some crazy big deal, but this movie was already so incoherent and maddening, by the time he arrives, you’re actually happy this is almost over. And he’s not only underwhelming, he’s REALLY creepy.
What is that thing?! This is supposed to be a nice family Christmas movie! It’s like the Easter Bunny suit from the mall was washed in hot. Slaughtering this night terror wouldn’t even earn a blink of an eye from PETA.
Especially his winking eye. Why is that a thing?
More importantly, why was THIS a thing?!
Dying animal laugh by Bill Corbett.
6. This Fact
Thanks, Internet Movie Database.
6. Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn
No idea why they’re here, what they contribute, or how they got to Florida from the Mississippi River.
7. The Ice Cream Bunny’s Arrival Through Pirates World
“We’re filming a movie! Get the gawkers out of the scene!”
8. The Replacement Guard
“Put the jokes into a file, in secret sever deep beneath a mountain, guarded by…The Ice Cream Bunny!”
The dragon guard got the holiday off, apparently.
And in case you’ve missed it in the intros, he is also one of the crowd…
And an even creepier version (is that possible?) came to the live show!
Those eyelashes! And don’t stare into his eyes, Kevin Murphy!
9. This isn’t dangerous…
Don’t try this at home, kids!
Also, worst superhero EVER!
10. And This Disappointment…
Hope you used the claim code in December 2015!
And if you’re just dying to see this trainwreck happen before your eyes, head on over to Rifftrax and check it out. I think you’ll agree, Santa, Florida beaches, and Bunnies not made of Ice Cream are not the greatest combination.
It’s an assault on the eyes, but it’s a FUN assault on the eyes!
Not so fun?