Why? Because new traditions should be a thing!
Previously, on Throwback Thursday: Santa Claus telling children a story that is completely unrelated to Christmas. Methinks it was propaganda about evolution versus creationism!
Oh, and it was the oldest short they’d riffed to date.
Have you accepted Santa as your Dark Overlord yet?
You’re waiting for something. What, I have no idea.
Hi guys! Happy Friday!
So we’ve made it to the weekend, so we deserve a story about animals, little girls in a house, and the pirate that packs heat. Oh, and a dragon. As told by an adult female, and riffed by these guys.
Those were, in fact, not hallucinogenic pickles I ate at lunchtime yesterday (when I started writing this).
The Tale of Custard the Dragon is a legitimate children’s poem, as written by Ogden Nash in 1936. Funnily enough, I’ve never heard of Ogden Nash nor Custard the Dragon, and after seeing the RiffTrax short of the same name last year…I’m convinced the whole thing was made up entirely for the purpose of riffing.
Which is strange, considering that it is from 1965, and our fearless three wouldn’t have been old enough to riff anything.
The Tale of Custard The Dragon (told entirely through narration, and interpreted by kids in costume) is the tale of the cowardly dragon named Custard…
He may be ostracizes for having bricks on his face, I’m not 100% sure.
Who lives in a little white house with Belinda…
(Never pictured: The outside of this white house)
Along with her other pets – a Cat named Inky, a Mouse named Blinky…and a dog that was sharp as Mustard, so that’s his name.
I’m not kidding, folks. The RiffTrax guys had a field day with the names.
Poor Custard. Poor misunderstood, ostracized, outcast Custard. The other animals go about doing what they do best, but Custard is more content to hide his face, all coward-like.
But alas, it is Christmas Eve, and the animals are doing something nice for Custard. That is, when they aren’t laughing at him.
(Pictured: Doing something nice…before laughter!)
Anyone else sense that Custard is the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer of the dragon world? Or at least, the ones that obviously populate the world within this story’s existence?
But then something terrible happens, something the other animals run and hide from…
A PIRATE! And he’s packing heat!
Good lord, you’re making us stare up the gun?!
All the other animals hide, but not the cowardly Custard. He does something else.
“DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!!”
He attacks – and eats (yes, he eats!) the gun toting pirate!
And how the other animals loved him, as they shouted out with glee…
Actually, they just danced until midnight.
And when everyone was asleep, Custard opened the present the others gave him, which turned out to be a cage.
But apparently, this was good enough for Custard, and off to sleep he went.
And if you like what you’ve seen (and how could you not?) this short was excerpted from RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. I’d love to encourage you to consider purchasing the full show from their website. It’s terrible, but it’s a festive kind of terrible…I think.
And that does it for Flashback Friday’s trip into the weirdness of RiffTrax. Flashback Friday, and its fitter, older sibling, Throwback Thursday, will be taking the month of December off to focus on other Christmas-related writings. There will be lots of fun stuff from the archives throughout the month. Throwback/Flashback will return in January.
Have a great weekend!
“Watch out for Custards!”
“DIE!! DIE!!! DIE!!!!”