Saying that felt strangely badass.
This week, I decided to take a break from the traditional format of retro commercials, and salute something I love and spend way too much money on…RiffTrax!
I only discovered RiffTrax in 2013, which is baffling considering that I loved Mystery Science Theater 3000 as a teenager and twentysomething. I had no idea the bad movie fun was still going until I saw something about a live show for Starship Troopers in 2013 (I went on vacation and didn’t make the live show). But even then, I didn’t go to my first show until the summer of 2014, when they did the first Sharknado movie. I’ve now been to 11 shows (including Shakrnado) – Godzilla, Anaconda, The Room, Sharknado 2, Miami Connection, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Time Chasers, The MST3K Reunion, and Mothra. I also got to see Starship Troopers in an encore presentation during a “Best of RiffTrax Live” showing in January 2016. Tonight’s live showing of Carnival of Souls will be my twelfth live show.
But I’m not hooked.
I’ve gone solo to several shows (including the last one, because boyfriend was recouping from a cold), some were with an ex-boyfriend (who told me never to take him to one of “these shows” again – “these movies are terrible!”), some were with a friend, and some were three-city viewing parties (my boyfriend when he was still living in Grand Rapids, me in my home theater, and our friend and one of her friends in Indiana). And I subjected my mom to Sharknado 2…twice. The second time was only because a storm interrupted the live show a week earlier. My boyfriend (who enjoys these shows) and I even claim to have had our first date over the encore showing of Miami Connection in October 2015 while in two separate cities.
Apparently stupid ninja movies really set the tone for a relationship…though the first movie we saw together (in person) was Mockingjay Part 2. So our relationship is clearly about survival of the fittest…I think?
Anyway, enough of the shows I’ve seen and whom I’ve seen them with (or without). The point is, I’ve been thoroughly entertained by each and every one I’ve seen, even when my company didn’t always enjoy it. Let’s just say that if you leave a RiffTrax showing legitimately peeved because “the movie was terrible!” then you’re either totally missing the point…or a genius who got the point. Yes, the movie was terrible. It was supposed to be terrible! One can never have that kind of negativity in their lives.
That incredibly long-winded discussion aside…
Today’s Throwback Thursday comes from the October 2015 showing of Miami Connection, which treated us to one of those pseudo-educational films that RiffTrax somehow manages to dig up. You know the ones – we’re supposed to learn a valuable skill through bad acting and a ridiculous plot. Even worse, these were the films we (and our parents before us) watched in elementary school.
The brain trusts at Coronet Films were obviously striving for a cool teacher of lessons that they felt kids could really get behind…and because they’re Coronet, they missed the mark. Wasn’t the last time.
I’d love to talk all about it, but seriously, seeing is truly believing. And you will certainly see, but not believe, that today’s contribution to life ever actually happened.
No harm will come to you as you watch, and you may just learn all about measuring in standard units…and how glitter can be terrifying.
So much glitter.
So let Mike, Bill, and Kevin introduce you to Superman’s ripoff Milk Man cousin…Measuring Man!
Click play already! You may just find out what that sparkly thing is dangling from Measuring Man’s utility belt…or not.
Seriously, what is it?
We don’t know!
But if you’d like to know, then you’re going to have to watch! There’s two versions – this one is from the RiffTrax Live showing of Miami Connection (October 1, 2015), and there is also an original version.
Measuring Man isn’t exactly everything we look for in a teacher/mentor/superhero, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he FORGOT TO TAKE HIS GLASSES OFF!
I’m still convinced I learned more from listening to the riffing than I did from watching the short, but I don’t remember learning anything of value from them when it actually mattered.
Like glittery Not A Penis dangly thingies…why?
Also…that utility belt. It’s just so loud and crowded, and I’m referring only to sparkly Not A Penis. OMG, what is that?!
Well, I hope you learned more than I did, but you probably didn’t. I certainly feel like I didn’t!
Have a great Thursday, and if the milk man shows up to your house and wants to take you on an educational adventure for the purpose of possibly teaching you something of value…don’t go. It’s a trap!
After all, he thinks this is an accurate representation of a government building.
You can’t trust him!
EDIT 11/30/16: I’ve removed all RiffTrax videos per request of RiffTrax. I’m a huge supporter of their work, and I did not upload the video in an attempt to show any disrespect to them. To that end, I’ve taken down my videos to encourage you to be a customer for life on their site. So go ahead, be educated (and not like Tommy)- they treat you with respect!